Name: Vieta Skellington
Alias: Vieta Skellington
Join Date: 06/29/08
Last Logged In: 07/05/08
The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual-The VIETA Unit
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated VIETA unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your loud mouthed bitch, please pay close attention to the following information.
Name: Vieta Morte, Vi, V-chan
Date of Manufacture: July 22nd, 1989.
Place of Manufacture: Holly-Hell, Inc., South Florida Division
Weight: The VIETA unit refuses to say-for now, letís just refer to her as being pleasantly plump and leave it at that.
Your VIETA unit comes with the following accessories:
A large supply of coffee/hot chocolate-this is the main fuel that the VIETA unit requires in order to maintain proper function.
The complete collection of Yu Yu Hakusho on DVD
A Kurama plushie
A queen sized bed, laden with a massive collection of big pillows
A digital camera
When you first unpack your VIETA unit, you may believe her to be dead. However, a fresh cup of coffee will easily cure her utter lack of energy. Unfortunately, it will not provoke her motivation, nor will it encourage her to put forth any effort of any kind whatsoever. Please be warned that shaking and/or screaming in the ear of a VIETA unit is not only unwise-itís downright stupid. Doing so may resort in a number of broken bones/black eyes/bloody noses.
NOTE TO OWNER: Seeing as your new VIETA unit is typically nocturnal, it is unadvised to even attempt to wake her during daylight hours-attempting to do so may result in a number of painful instances, the most common being a horde of sharp knives being chucked with eerily accurate aim at your person, or a heavy boulder falling upon your head when you least expect it.
Your new VIETA unit is as lazy as they come, however, she will carry out the following basic functions without too much complaint. Be forewarned that your VIETA unit loathes most things that require effort, no matter how small an amount.
Fanfiction Writer- The VIETA unit loves to write fanfiction and will do so very often. However, she is quite a pervert, so she will engage in the writing of lemons quite often. Her favorite anime series to write for include Yu Yu Hakusho and Deathnote. The VIETA unit is a major fan of hardcore yaoi and will bluntly tell all haters to kiss her ass without hesitation.
Sarcastic Bitch-Without a doubt one of the VIETA unitís most cherished pastimes. The VIETA unit is known for her snarky comments and takes pleasure in warping the minds of your slow-witted enemies with her blunt sarcastic nature. Please be aware that the VIETA unit may sometimes use this sardonic behavior on you as well, but it is simply a normal reaction rather than an insult.
Beta-Reader-The VIETA unit will only engage in proof reading the works of writers sheís known for sometimes and/or respects/appreciates. She cannot stand shitty spelling, poor punctuation, and bad grammar. For this purpose, the VIETA unit works best in the company of either a PHERIN or NIESA unit.
Fangirl-The VIETA unit is an avid lover of anime and manga, and thus has no shame in loudly proclaiming her love for certain characters accompanied by loud squeals and/or massive amounts of rambuncous flailing. While the VIETA unit is willing to share many of her fictional based lovers with friends, she is very protective of Matt from the Deathnote series and will proceed to rip off the head and/or light the attempting stealer on fire subsequent to being fully doused in kerosene. The only one that the VIETA unit will share her immense love of Matt with is a KESLEY unit, no acceptations. In this sense, your VIETA unit is a big fan of attending anime conventions and will gladly do so with you-just make sure to keep her on a tight leash, as she will proceed to eagerly glomp the cosplayers. If the intended goal is a Matt cosplayer, make sure to bring along a straight jacket.
Gamer-Your VIETA unit has an unprecedented addiction to video games and needs to play often in order to maintain her sanity-or what little is left of it. Make sure to always have a Playstation 2/Wii console on hand in order to ensure the safety of yourself and those around you. Please be sure to keep copies of Kingdom Hearts, The Sims, Mario, and Tekken in the general vicinity as well.
Your VIETA unit comes equipped with 7 different modes:
Lazy (Default mode)
The VIETA unit is most notably in lazy mode, but will shift among the six other modes as well depending on mood, surroundings, and circumstance. While in her default mode, the VIETA unit lacks the will or motivation to do little else other than breathe and/or roll around in bed. No amount of pushing, pleading, or threatening will get you anywhere-however, the VIETA unit can bribed with coffee and/or blueberry waffles, which will result in her awakening. However, she will still lack any motivation to do anything that requires any effort whatsoever, even once awake.
A VIETA unitís Homicidal mode is without a doubt one of the scariest things you will ever live to experience-whether or not you will live through such a thing has yet to be said.
The second most common mode of a VIETA unit, Sarcastic/Bitchy mode is a given. This mode usually occurs when the VIETA unit comes into contact with either a DONNA or DAVID unit, her parental units, who proceed to ask her to put effort into chores, which she hates.
A VIETA unitís Playful mode, although rarely triggered due to the fact that is requires energy, is quite useful if you favor visiting playgrounds, the beach, and/or the mall. A VIETA unit loves cracking stupid jokes and will willingly make an ass out of herself for the enjoyment of others-however, this mode works best when in the company of either an NIESA, ASHLEY, or KESLEY unit, as they feed off of each otherís stupidity.
In Perverted mode, a VIETA unit will undoubtedly remind you of a teenage male. She will crack sexual jokes and make massive amounts of sexual innuendos without the slightest hint of shame, and she will actively engage in debates concerning yaoi/pornographic material.
For a VIETA unit, Sweet/Loving mode is a rarity. When switched into this mode, a VIETA unit will shock you with her softly spoken words, kind looks, gentle smiles, and offers to rub your back or feet. However, this mode doesnít last very long, so donít get used to it.
The last mode for a VIETA unit is by far the most foul. In Optimist mode, the VIETA unit will blindly hope for the best, regardless of how bleak the situation may seem. When in this mode, it is not advised that you attempt to thwart her uncharacteristically Ďgood vibesí unless youíd like your ass nailed to the wall and/or your lips stapled shut. However, your new VIETA unit is a pessimist by nature and will more often than not maintain her cynical standards.
Your new VIETA unit is more than capable of washing herself. Any attempts to invade her personal time in the bathroom will result in a windmill kick to the face-no acceptions. Attempting to peek in on her while shower will result in the destruction of your eyeballs by battery acid.
Make sure to feed your VIETA unit often. She will eat almost anything, but prefers Italian cuisine over all others. Also, keep a horde of strawberry rock candy/pocky and dark chocolate handy in the case of a PMS-ing VIETA unit. This will most likely quell her innate desire to destroy everything around her.
Your VIETA unit should last you quite a few number of years with the proper care and maintenance. However, while in the company of a VIETA unit, we cannot make any guarantees on your life, as you are taking your existence into your own hands by owning one. We the distributor cannot be held liable for any maiming, dismembering, first degree burns, missing limbs, and/or appendages while in the company of a VIETA unit. Should you decide that you are not satisfied with your VIETA unit and decide that you wish to return her, you will A) conveniently step on a well concealed land mine and meet a tragic end, B) get feasted on by a pack of rabid hyenas, or C) mysteriously grow ill and soon pass away-perhaps due to the arsenic coated donuts youíve been unknowingly consuming. Regardless of circumstance, you are stuck with your VIETA unit until the day you die, the day she decides to kill you, or the day she decides that sheís sick of looking at your face and decides to leave of her own accord-which will no doubt result in some heinous attempt on your life anyway.
Your VIETA unit is programmed with a multitude of catchy phrases such as the following:
-Holy shit, youíre retarded?!
-Itís not rape-itís surprise sex!
-I got out of bed and made it to the keyboard-what more do you want?
-If it werenít for physics and law enforcement, Iíd be unstoppable!
-If at first you donít succeed, then sky diving definitely isnít for you.
-You are the one load your mother should have swallowed.
-Fear my intimidating knowledge of spelling, grammar, and bitchery.
-How can I be so thirsty when I drank so damn much last night?
-Itís better to have loved and lost then to live with a psycho for the rest of your life!
-Be optimistic. All the people you hate are going to die eventually.
Author's Note-Just for the record, this idea was completely not mine, so I am not taking any credit for it. I have seen several different authors using a format like this one and liked it so much, I wanted to do one for myself.
Disclaimer: While I sadly do not own any of the actual characters from Yu Yu Hakusho, Deathnote, and the like, I do, however own all the OCs and will not take kindly to them being used in any sense of the word-unless explicit permission is given prior to usage. As it was, I've already had someone I thought was a friend steal several ideas from me and my lovely Wifey, Kniferomance, and it was very upsetting to say the least. Safe to say, it's not something I'm keen on dealing with again.