My life began in traumatic and fantastic fashion: I was separated from my "Mum-Mum" at birth, then tightly wrapped in straight jacket- like, suffocating linens and tossed into a 2' x 3' padded cell. A strangely pacifying appetite suppression device was implanted between my nubile lips to frustratingly deny me any verbal communication with those beyond the wooden bars of my cell. For what seemed like years, I was tortured with forced viewings of a horrific purple dinosaur loudly singing socialistic epithets until I was finally spiritually broken and indoctrinated. ALL HAIL BARNEY! Grovel before his image- or DIE! (thanks for listening)