"The Cranapple" by Burning Cannoli

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This story is only for pure humor and was made when the author and one of their friends had a conversation about how the author's grandfather bought them their favourite juice.

The flavour of the juice was cranberry, but the author's friend said Cranapple instead, which lead to the friend saying how The Cranapple sounded like a 80's dance move or something.

Which then lead to the author making a dumb joke about how The Cranapple was a dance move and then lead to them saying how The Cranapple could have been a deleted Welcome to Nightvale episode since it was just really stupid, which lead to the author writing this story.

You sit in your comfortable lounge chair, ready to listen to your favourite radio show, with your favourite radio host, Cecil Gershwin Palmer.

He begins the show with a quote, something odd.. Mysterious… Terrifying as well.. Something that makes you just wonder about everything around you, a quote that makes you stare at a wall.. You are more then likely staring at the Faceless old woman who secretly lives in your house.. but you don't know that. You never know, only the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your house knows.. Only she knows… But back to the case at hand.

Relaxing with a nice cup of tea and the sounds of the soothing music playing from your radio you listen to your dear and kind radio host begin his show as you slowly move the cup of tea to your lips, eyes closed, relaxed and in peace.

"Hello listeners… I was told by one of the interns to play only a song and not speak of anything at all.. I'm not exactly sure why though, I wanted to ask them the reason why I was supposed to only play this CD and allow you all to listen to a song I don't even know about, but.. They shushed me before I could even ask the question, and then telling me, in a deep, rough, almost demonic. " Play. The. Song"…So... Here we go. Please enjoy the soothing sounds of… The Cranapple?…"

Your eyes shot open and you dropped your cup of tea. It spilled and broke onto the hardwood floors, you knew it will be a pain to remove but that isn't the problem at the moment. The problem is what Cecil had just said. Cecil had said something.. Something so vile, so disgusting, so outrages, and just plain vulgar. But you could not truly grasp what you heard. " He's joking right? " You yourself, you ask yourself that and soon begin to let out nervous laughs " H aha ha, Cecil's joking, ha aha, of course he is! That's our Cecil for ya! Always joking around h ah ah " You say to yourself, trying to convince yourself that it's all a joke, that Cecil was never going to play that filthy song that brainwashes the world to do such a repulsive dance..

You let out another laugh but your laugh quickly dies down when you hear the familiar tune of the song, the song that had brought hell to the earth, the song that brought the apocalypse just by mentioning it, the song of the devil- No.. Something worse then the devil himself.. Something coming from even lower then the pits of hell.. Yes.. 'That's the best way to describe it' You thought..

It's hell , it's madness, it's the definition of the destruction of human kind it self..


You scream when you hear the man in the song yell that filthy sentence, to you it doesn't sound like a cheerful man telling you to dance such a vile dance. No.. To you it sounds like the monsters from the very pits of hell you believed in came to your radio and made everything sound demonic, so vile even, made it sound like you weren't going to live much longer on the earth..

You quickly got up from your lounge chair and leaned against the wall of the living room. Slowly you began to maneuver your way into your kitchen. The lights began to flicker as you entered the kitchen, the song on the radio continued to play as well.

As the man gave dancing instructions, you leaned against the counter, taking deep breaths as sweat rolled down your forehead. Your hands were balled up into fists, making you dig your nails deep into your flesh. You could feel blood tickling down your fingers as your nails dug deeper into your flesh, you didn't feel the pain, for you were too terrified to even think. The song continued to play and you began to shake violently.

Soon enough.. The lights were turned completely off, and so you knew you weren't going to last long.

The song continued to play, you were positive it was becoming louder and louder as the darkness continued to stretch.
And then you heard that disgusting sentence ones more..


A scream left your throat as you quickly ran out of the kitchen, you couldn't see a thing in the darkness, which made it extremely difficult to head towards your goal.. The front door.

You continued to bump and bruise your body against the many furniture in your home, you broke a vase, a lamp and even stubbed your toe 3 times in a row against the leg of your coffee table.

As you ran, you were positive you were near the front door and began to run faster, because of that you tripped over the rug you had placed, falling flat on your face. But that didn't stop you from running, you quickly got up and continued to run towards the front door.

You were almost at the front door, you were sure of it! You were going to be free from that vulgar song, and it's terrible beat, you were going to be okay, nothing was going to stop you, not even the faceless old woman who secretly lived in your house, not even any angels or hooded figures, NOTHING. Your face brightened up when you felt the door knob of the front door, closing your eyes tightly you grabbed the door knob tightly as you turned the door knob and burst open the door

" Freedom! " You exclaimed as you opened the front door wide, your eyes closed in content, you were free, the song was no longer going to haunt you! You were going to leave town and never come back, you were going to be save! But then... The familiar tune of the song rang through your ears and you opened your eyes wide in fear...
Everywhere around you
Everywhere you looked
Everyone was doing..


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