I can’t go home; I’m in some kind of trouble.
You never thought about the sort of people who ended up in bars during the holiday season. If you had considered it, you might have decided that bars had to be nearly empty during the holidays. Of course there would be the occasional group who found themselves celebrating the holidays with their coworkers, but otherwise, too many people had to be busy spending time with family and friends or shopping for last minute presents.
Now that you found yourself in a bar during the holiday season, you knew the truth. It was full of people who, for whatever reason, didn’t want to go home. People who sat alone in various locations and just drank their alcohol in silence.
People like you.
You didn’t know what they were doing there, and you weren’t even going to try to guess. You had too many problems of your own. Problems that led back to two men: your boyfriend and Mokuba Kaiba.
Or maybe the only real problem was your boyfriend, the man who was waiting back at home for you. He was the sole reason that you avoided your apartment like the plague nowadays. He had no idea you were cheating on him, and absolutely no idea that you wanted to break up. It was almost a holiday miracle, especially considering you were cheating on him with Mokuba Kaiba.
Maybe a part of you hoped that the papers would find out about your relationship with Mokuba.
You wanted to break up with your boyfriend. You honestly did. If he found out you were cheating on him, you wouldn’t apologize, and you wouldn’t beg for forgiveness. He was so needy lately that it took all your willpower to refrain from shoving him away from you. You felt like recoiling whenever he touched you. His kisses left you with the desire to dry-heave.
You were starting to hate him, and that was your fault. You should have ended things months ago. Except a few months ago you didn’t want to add any stress to his life. Between his mother’s illness and a project at work, he’d had barely any time for you anyway.
Then his mother passed away, and you didn’t want to break up with him while he was dealing with that.
Now it was the holiday season, and he was oscillating between talking about how much he wished he could see his family and how much he wanted to start a family. You were terrified that the tiny box under your tree contained a diamond ring.
Not that any of that made what you were doing any better. You were too weak to break up with your boyfriend. You were too weak to let Mokuba pass you by even though you couldn’t break up with your boyfriend. This mess was a result of your inability to do anything right.
You were a chicken and a horrible person.
I can’t get out; I am too deep in.
Mokuba Kaiba was a persistent man and a bit of a flirt. You met him at a friend’s party, and at first, you didn’t really talk to him much. Your boyfriend wasn’t there, and you were feeling guilty about the fact that you were there without him. As a result, you ended up in a chair near the desserts, just munching on food.
You knew that you should have gone with your boyfriend when he drove up to see his mother for the weekend, but you just didn’t want to be stuck in a car with him for an hour. All he seemed to talk about lately were sports and a possible promotion at work. You just didn’t care anymore. Nothing he talked about seemed interesting at all.
When Mokuba approached you, a friendly smile on his face and an extra drink in hand, you couldn’t help but notice how attractive he was. He was tall and thin, facts that were emphasized by his good taste in clothing. His long hair was tied back into a ponytail, but he somehow managed to pull it off without looking too feminine.
He was attractive, and you felt guilty for noticing that. You had a boyfriend!
Mokuba sat down across from you without asking if it was okay, and your shock must have been apparent. “I’ve been watching you for a while, and I already noticed that you were sitting alone.” He put one of his drinks down in front of you. “I also noticed that you were out of cider.”
You raised an eyebrow. The man was attractive but… “You do realize how creepy that sounds right?”
He laughed, not at all bothered by your comment. “Let’s just say that I couldn’t take my eyes off your beauty.”
“That’s just corny. Did you try those lines on the other women here? Is that why none of them will talk to you?”
“You have such a charming way with words. I’m surprised your table isn’t crawling with people trying to talk to you.” His words could have been cruel, but he was smiling, and his voice was light and playful.
He was also right. You were grumpy, and anyone who tried to talk to you at that party had figured that out pretty quickly. You stood up. “I’m going to get another drink.”
He gestured toward the full cup sitting right in front of you.
You shook your head. “You could have drugged that,” you stated. “I’m not an idiot, and I don’t know you.”
He turned the charm up and grinned as he held out his hand. “Mokuba… Mokuba Kaiba.”
You threw him a bone and shook his hand, introducing yourself as well. Not that it changed anything. You still insisted on getting your own drink.
Mokuba stood up and walked with you, asking questions about where you worked and how you knew the friend throwing the party. It was standard introductory stuff and fairly innocent. Then he bluntly asked if you had a boyfriend.
“Yes, but even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be going home with you tonight.”
“It was just a friendly question.” Mokuba smirked. “I didn’t ask you to leave with me.”
You kept your mouth shut. He had a point.
“Why isn’t he here with you?” Mokuba asked.
You just shrugged. His question was a bit too invasive, and you didn’t feel like answering it.
Mokuba was frowning, and at first, you assumed that it was because you weren’t answering his questions. Then he bluntly asked if your boyfriend was cheating on you.
Saying that you were shocked would be an understatement. You honestly couldn’t believe that he would ask you a question like that. At first, you didn’t even know what to say. “Wow. Are you…? Wow.” You stared at him, mouth hanging open. “That’s an incredibly rude question.”
“You aren’t denying it.”
You just rolled your eyes. “Well, fine. He’s visiting his parents, and I chose not to go with him. He tried to convince me to go, but I didn’t want to be stuck in a car with him for the drive out there. Happy now?” Your frustration with Mokuba’s prying caused you to say a bit too much, but it didn’t matter. Mokuba wasn’t going to repeat your words to your boyfriend. He didn’t even know who your boyfriend was.
“Sorry! I didn’t mean to assume. It’s just than you’re here alone on a Saturday, and you didn’t want to talk about it so…” He was holding up his hands in a defensive position. “What’d the guy do to get you so annoyed with him?”
“I’m not annoyed with him!” Well, you were annoyed with him, but it was a more of a general annoyance. He didn’t do anything specific to deserve it.
“If he didn’t do anything, then why wouldn’t you want to spend time with him?” Mokuba seemed to genuinely not understand, and that was the only reason you answered his question.
It probably helped that he barely knew you. It was surprisingly easy to talk to someone you didn’t know. He could judge you all he wanted; his opinion meant nothing to you.
“I don’t need to spend every single hour with my boyfriend. I’d probably kill him if I had to do that.” It was especially true now that you had moved in with him. Recently you found yourself needing more and more time away from him.
“If you don’t like spending time with the guy… why are you with him?”
“Well, obviously–” You stopped. Why were you even with the guy? He was attractive enough, but he was so needy and boring. He never left you alone, always wanted to do things together as a couple, and he constantly talked about things you just didn’t care about.
The sex wasn’t even that great. It was fun and exciting the first few times, but he was just as boring in bed as he was everywhere else.
You finally shrugged. “Well, we moved in together. We’re just… adjusting. All relationships take work.” It sounded like a weak excuse, and you knew it, so you weren’t surprised when Mokuba scoffed at you.
“Do the guy a favor and cut him loose.”
He was probably right, but you weren’t going to admit to that. Still, it was worth thinking about. “Alright Mr. Relationship Advice, if you know so much about dating, what are you doing here alone?”
“I’m obviously trying to get the hottest girl at the party to take pity on my lonely heart.” He held a hand to his heart.
“Oh really? How is that working out for you?”
“She has a boyfriend. It’s heartbreaking. Really.”
Somehow you found yourself talking to Mokuba for the entire night. He didn’t take anything too seriously, not even himself, and he was witty. You quickly discovered that the two of you had similar tastes when it came to music, and he invited you to go to a concert with him, claiming that he had an extra ticket.
You said yes. After all, you planned on breaking up with your boyfriend the moment he came back.
You just never expected your boyfriend to come back distraught because his mother was sick. Expecting his mother to get better after a week or so, you decided to put off breaking up with him. You could do it later. Your plans with Mokuba weren’t for a while, and it wasn’t really a date in the first place.
Even though you didn’t break up with your boyfriend, you found yourself spending more and more time with Mokuba.
It wasn’t cheating at first. At least, that was what you told yourself. You just met up for coffee a few times. Then the two of you saw a few movies together. Naturally some of the movies ran late, leaving you both hungry afterward, but nothing happened. Mokuba knew you had yet to break up with your boyfriend; your boyfriend just didn’t know that you kept going out with another man.
Then, on the night of the concert, you spent the night at Mokuba’s. You never meant to sleep with him. Sure you made plans to spend the night at Mokuba’s place, but that was because your boyfriend thought you were having a girls’ night, and you were a little too drunk to go home.
Not that you were actually drunk enough to blame it on the alcohol.
At least you weren’t having sex with your boyfriend anymore at that point.
As if that made your whorish cheating better.
Maybe your boyfriend suspected something at that point because he just kept trying to spend every waking moment with you. He was right to suspect something. At that point, you really were going to break up with him no matter what. You even told Mokuba that you would break up with your boyfriend.
Then your boyfriend’s mother died.
Things aren’t always as they seem.
When you knocked on Mokuba’s door, it didn’t take him very long to answer it. He was expecting you. He flung the door open, gathered you up in his arms, and pulled you up to his lips for a kiss. He swung around, still kissing you, and carried you into his penthouse apartment.
You registered the sound of his door slamming shut before you were swept off your feet. He broke the kiss long enough to carry you into his kitchen. There he had a dinner for two set out with wine and candles.
Your hand drifted up to your face, your fingers lightly touching your mouth, as you stared at the table. “Oh, Mokuba. You didn’t have–”
“I wanted to do it,” he interrupted. “I wanted our first meal together as boyfriend and girlfriend to be special.” Then he laughed. “But I cooked, so it might just be a special trip to the hospital.”
“I’m sure your cooking is fine, Mokuba.” You were lying. The man had nothing but empty take-out boxes in his trashcan. He never cooked. You were a bit surprised that the food wasn’t burnt.
As you sat down at the table, Mokuba began spooning the food onto your plates. “Do you need a place to stay while your boyfriend moves out?”
That was the moment everything crashed down on you. On the way here, you thought of ways to tell Mokuba that you had yet to break up with your boyfriend. That really was your plan. You needed and wanted to explain the situation.
But that kiss was so… happy and eager. He seemed to be pleased that you could finally be with him. Mokuba wanted to actually date you, and he had his happy puppy eyes out. He even cooked for you. He had this entire night planned out perfectly. It wasn’t like you could ruin this night…
No, you couldn’t ruin it for him.
“I dunno,” you hedged. “I think it’ll be okay if he just sleeps on the couch for a month or so.” And then in a month you could break up with the ‘boyfriend’ and kick him out. “Until then, it’s probably better if he doesn’t know about you.”
Mokuba nodded, luckily agreeing with you on that point. You didn’t know what you would have done if Mokuba had wanted to spend some time at your place. You didn’t know what you would have said if he’d wanted to meet your boyfriend-who-was-soon-to-be-an-ex-but-didn’t-know-it.
It was cold out, but with Mokuba’s hand wrapped around yours, you didn’t even notice until he released your hand to unlock the gate.
“Should we really be doing this?” You wrapped your arms around yourself as you looked around. Kaiba Land was completely deserted, which wasn’t unexpected considering it was two in the morning.
“I own this place, you know.” The gate’s electronic keypad beeped, and Mokuba began pushing the gate open. He motioned for you to walk in ahead of him. “C’mon!”
You cautiously walked past him and into the dark amusement park. “I didn’t know I was dating Seto Kaiba,” you teased as you looked around. Of course Mokuba helped his brother run Kaiba Corp. but you still weren’t sure if the two of you were allowed to just walk around like this.
“Ha. Ha.” Mokuba might have been rolling his eyes, but he was turned away from you as he closed the gate. He made sure it was locked before turning back to you and taking your hand. “Don’t worry. Nobody is gonna call the cops.”
He walked through the amusement park, pulling you along behind him, and you just looked at all the different rides. This wasn’t your first time at Kaiba Land, but it was your first time visiting the park in the past five years.
You weren’t sure if it really was different or if it just looked different in the dark.
Mokuba led you straight to the arcade, and then he had to let go of you so that he could unlock another door. Once that door was open, he pulled you into the massive arcade. “Hold open the door for a minute. I need to get the lights.”
He left you standing near the door, and you heard him swear as he tripped over something. Maybe you should have asked if he was alright, but a moment later, the room began to glow.
The arcade’s harsh neon lights didn’t come on. Instead of a bunch of tiny white lights twinkled into existence. They were everywhere, hanging down in ropes from the ceiling, and they cast a soft glow on the entire arcade.
It was beautiful.
Then the arcade games began to turn on. Their lights began to flash, and they all began to play their opening music at once. The cacophony of sound didn’t seem to match the tiny delicate lights, but you liked it.
Mokuba appeared back at your side, and the grin on his face said that he arranged all of this. “You know you can close the door now, right?”
“I love it!” You let the door close as you jumped on Mokuba. “The lights are so pretty.”
Mokuba pressed a short kiss to your lips. Then he whispered in your ear, “The games are free tonight too.”
You squealed, detached yourself from Mokuba, and then ran off to decide what to play.
The kind that you hope never ends.
The jewelry story was crowded, but you wandered inside anyway. You didn’t want to buy anything. You were just curious.
As you looked at some of their necklaces, you thought about the present that you’d received from Mokuba a few days ago. It was a long strand of black pearls with a pendant of your favorite animal hanging from it. The rope of pearls could wrap around your neck multiple times, and you were convinced that the necklace must have cost him a small fortune.
You weren’t wrong. Looking at all the pearls in the store just confirmed that your necklace must have cost a lot. Some types of pearls were more expensive than others, but you were fairly sure that Mokuba wouldn’t have bought the inexpensive type. Mokuba was a little too into his money, and based on what was in his wardrobe, you were sure he liked to buy the most expensive things.
Two arms wrapped around your waist, and you nearly jumped out of your skin.
“See something you like?” your ‘boyfriend’ asked.
You carefully wiggled out of his arms. “I was just looking. Are you done shopping?”
“Not quite.” He grabbed your hand and tugged you over to the rings. “I still have something I want to get, but why don’t we look around and see if you find something you like first?”
“No.” You didn’t think that was a good idea. You didn’t want him buying you jewelry, and the last thing you wanted to get from him was an engagement ring. “I’m kind of hungry. Let’s go get some lunch.”
He ignored your protests and began pointing at different pieces of jewelry. He mostly pointed out rings, but he did point at some other pieces too. You gave him negative or noncommittal responses to all of them. If he couldn’t find anything you liked, he hopefully wouldn’t buy you anything at all. At the very least he’d buy you something less expensive than jewelry.
“Hey, I was thinking…”
You hummed to let him know that you were listening to him but continued to look at the different pieces in the store rather than at him.
“Since it’s just going to be us this year, why don’t we go out for the holiday? We can catch a movie, maybe go ice skating or something. It’ll be lonely if we stay in.”
It wouldn’t be lonely staying in at all. Of course, you didn’t want to stay in with him. You had plans with Mokuba. Plans that you were going to do your best to keep. Those plans certainly didn’t involve going out and spending your holiday in a crowded and public location.
You looked up at your ‘boyfriend’. If you didn’t work up the courage to break up with him soon, you would accidentally end up stuck with two holiday plans. This wasn’t fair to him.
“Maybe we should leave?” you suggested. “I really am getting hungry.” It was final. You would break up with him the moment the two of you were alone.
“Sure. We can come back and do more shopping later.” He took your hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m really happy that I have you, you know? I don’t think I tell you enough, but I don’t know how I’d get through this month without you.”
You just looked away from him but let him hold your hand because pulling away right now just seemed too cruel.
The drink that you’d ordered was bitter and disgusting. You knew that you would never order this drink ever again, but tonight, tonight you felt like you didn’t deserve anything better.
A bitter drink for a horrible woman.
Your phone lit up, letting you know that you had a text. You unlocked your phone and checked it. The text was from your ‘boyfriend’. It read: Where are you? I’m worried.
You weren’t surprised. You already had two missed calls and one voicemail from him. The voicemail remained unchecked. You didn’t want to hear how worried he was. You didn’t want to hear him say that he loved you.
You didn’t want to think about how much this man cared for you. This man that you’d strung along for weeks now. He cared about you too much, and you didn’t care about him enough.
Then your phone lit up again. It was probably another text from him.
When you unlocked your phone, you were surprised to see Mokuba’s name on the message. He was asking if you were free tonight.
You turned your phone off and placed it screen-down on the bar. This was all too much. Too many men cared about you. You didn’t deserve any of it. You were a spineless liar.
You downed the rest of your drink and ordered another one exactly like it.
This all needed to end. You knew that you were the only one who could end it. It was your fault in the first place. If only you had broken things off with your boyfriend. If only you hadn’t lied about it. If only you could love your boyfriend more. If only you could love Mokuba less.
If only, if only, if only.
You stared at your phone, knowing exactly what you needed to do. Carefully, you lifted your phone off the bar and turned it on. The phone took a minute to load, but the moment it was completely on, you opened a new text message.
Maybe doing things this way was weak and cowardly, but that seemed to be exactly what you were. You hated it; you hated yourself.
You typed, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then you stared at the send button, willing yourself to just press it already.
I can’t go home; I’m in some kind of trouble.
What started so innocently turned to sin.
I can’t get out; I’m too deep in.