LunaescenceLunaescence
 
"Be Prepared for the Best When" by Mister Pseudonymous


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The returning of wasted time may take several years to go through the mail system, and during that time, the returned time may expire.
This is the start of something terrible. I was irritated years ago when people wrote half-assed bullshit that catered to scrambled eggs, and quite frankly, I still am. So I would write my little con crit and then feel like some little honorable member of interciety. Ultimately, however, I became embarrassed to have my pixels intermingling with the others’ pixels. Call me a separatist; I dare you.

So I’m finding a way to cope. Allow me to reiterate. This is the start of something terrible. (But hopefully somewhat helpful.)

Be prepared for the worst best when:

1. Sigh. There is a lot of sighing. Sighing helps establish the fact that the character is a loner, depressed, and has a tragic past. However, sighing is not limited to those three facets of originality. Sighing also proves that the character is bored, unsatisfied, irritated, tired, content, musing, whimsical, or otherwise pensive. Sigh–it’s not just a four-letter word!

2. Pseudonese! Randomly incorporating foreign words (specifically Japanese) in an inconsistent manner is one stroke of genius, but totally misspelling it is one step better! So what if the author goes “good morning” one minute and “ohayou” the next? Or calls everyone’s favorite soul-slaying sword a “zanpakto”? It further supports the fact that the author has mastered both English and Japanese.

No, really. American girl des! Watashi totally know what watashi’m saying des.

3. The POV changes abruptly. Normally it is a one time deal–for example; you’ve just finished reading an introductory paragraph regarding this beautiful, sighing girl, and then, the next thing you know… It’s you. Allow me to demonstrate:

The girl sighed, locks of her lusciously long ebony black raven-hued fluttering in air hair fell into her immensely deep emerald, speckled with diamond orbs causing her to brush them away with her dainty hand. Despite her petite frame, she was immensely powerful but chose to not use her powers because of her past…

“(OBNOXIOUS INSERTION OF UNDERSCORES AND/OR LETTERS TO LET THE READER KNOW THAT SOMEONE IS SAYING HIS/HER NAME GOES HERE)”

You, the aforementioned in random third person vixen, turn around and sigh.


It totally shows that the author can pull a fast one over you.

Another version of the POV change is to write the story in second person and then shift the focal point from what is assumed to be the “reader” to some “canon” character that is usually the obvious pairing. Because people who are destined to be with one another have etheric projection abilities.



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